What Illness Can Reveal

I just read something truly inspiring this morning and had to share it with you all.

“Cancer has changed my life for the better. It’s made me a better human being. It stripped away all of the walls and the barriers...It exposes any lie in your life whatsoever. It exposes who’s not really there for you and who really is there for you,” - Shannen Doherty

This is 1000000000% true and hits home in more ways than one.  It exposes any lie in your life whatsoever is so striking to me. One of the things I will never forget (stroke joke) is how so called friends just disappeared when I was sick. I don't know what it is about sickness or change that scares people. It was incredibly painful to have to come to the realization that those who I would have immediately run to if they were sick, wouldn't do the same for me. In some ways, that was one of the worst parts of my recovery but I am thankful for it. It has made the circle I do have, tighter and stronger.

I'm often reminded of someone I was friends with in college who was suffering from MS. During my senior year, she took a turn for the worse and went from walking as any healthy person to using a cane, to being in a wheelchair.  We were in a class together. I noticed how hard things became for her and immediately jumped in to help her. No one else did. I was shocked that none of her peers would even ask how she was. It was as though MS was an elephant in the room. When we graduated, we lost touch but I still think about her. I think about what she taught me.

Remember, your illness can also be your blessing. Pay attention to all it can show you.

“It’s this brilliant thing where you just look around and think, ‘Oh my God, this person is amazing, they’re showing up for me in a way I never expected.’” - Shannen Doherty

The Struggles Of The Supermarket

I have to laugh...
I treat a trip to the supermarket like I'm going to the mall. I don't know why. I just love going to the supermarket. Is it the music? The way I'm fascinated by new labels and things stacked perfectly and in size order? I don't know. I usually make a list of what I need. I don't take more than I can carry. I usually use my dominant arm to carry heavy things but also use this as an exercise to put a little more weight on my strokie side.
I have an obsession with canned beans. I like to be prepared. I always buy a can when I shop. The thought process behind this can only be attributed to when Hurricane Sandy rendered so many of us without access to food for a few days because all the supermarkets in the area lost power. Since then, I always make sure I am stocked on beans, rice, pasta and pasta sauce.
The past few trips I've gone to the supermarket, I've forgotten that I already have rice. Let me say that again. I already have rice. Like a lot of rice. Like maybe 3lbs of rice. Maybe I should stop buying rice. Eljon, stop buying rice BUT every time I go to the supermarket, I somehow have temporary memory loss and think, "Huh, I think I need rice." Now I have about 7lbs of rice in my kitchen cabinet. I have to laugh...Sometimes, we have to just giggle. Our memory banks are wired differently now yes, and that can be sad...but sometimes, when you look into your kitchen cabinet and see a little something extra, you have to laugh. Embrace the little quirks that are you, that are NOW you. It makes it a little easier when getting to know the new strokie you.
Be well.

Summertime And The Living Is Easy

I love Summer. LOVE. One of my favorite things in the world is to just lay out and let my skin drink up as much of the sun. I'm a firm believer that Vitamin D heals (as long as you don't get burned!). Of course I have no medical evidence to back this up. All I know is that when I am being touched by the sun, I feel like I'm getting a hug. My winter's cure is holding a cup of tea.
Sometimes we all need something to encourage and heal us. It can come from something as simple as being sunkissed or having a really good piece of chocolate. I would encourage everyone to find their "little piece of something" for when days aren't so great. It truly is the little things that can make all the difference.
Be well.

My Beautiful Broken Brain Doc

Happy 2016 strokies! I hope you're all doing well and thriving. My friend sent me a link to a documentary on a young woman's journey to recovery from her hemorrhagic stroke.  It debuts on Netflix on Marth 18th. I am SO EXCITED to see it. It is another way to further drive home that young people have strokes. I have always said, awareness is key and this is a powerful way to help bring that to the masses.
As soon as I heard about this, I shared the trailer with fellow strokie and friend, Carrington. My excitement can only be compared to hearing about a new Star Wars film. Yes, that's how excited I am to see this doc. I won't say too much more except check out the trailer here 
Yay!

That First Taste Of Cold Air...

My Dad is in town (Yay). He picked me up at my house this morning and we walked to my job which is on the way to the VA where he has a doctor's appointment all day. Today is the first day where I felt the cold air literally down to my bones. Ok, I'm being dramatic. It's only 35+ degrees BUT it still feels like -0 to me and I'm pretty sure he felt it too. At numerous points in our walk, he stretched his hand. I did the same. We didn't talk about it. We just went through the motions and continued on our way both conscious that each other knew exactly what was being felt.

Holding a warm cup of coffee in my dominant hand helped, a nice reminder that there can be comfort in small things. Small victories on this chilly Monday morning. What are your Monday victories?
Be well.

Switching Doctors

My Primary Care doctor relocated to another state. I knew this was coming. I received a letter maybe 2 months ago and it felt like a bad breakup. "How could this person do this to me?" I thought. Doesn't she realize that without her, I don't think anyone else will understand me? But seriously...it sucks and now I have to go through the process of finding someone else who will take my post strokey problems and not treat me like a lab rat. Not that I don't love being looked upon as someone special, I do, we all could use some of those glances every once in awhile, but if something is ailing me, I don't want to have to hear "very interesting" coming out of your mouth every two seconds. Just help me. My Mom is getting on my case about getting a new PC. I haven't been able to get past that letter of abandonment. I know it's not personal (duh) but I would have liked a good personal recommendation for someone else to go to instead of receiving the generic I'm out piece of paper.
So the hunt begins! I'm sure I will have some good stories :)

The Power of Smell

Whenever the seasons change, I am overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia. Fall brings about memories of Halloweens past, warm cider and being wrapped up in a blanket on my couch while a good movie is playing on TV. Today, I am reminded of a Halloween when I was around 11. A trick or treater knocked on the door and I peeped in the eyehole and saw that he was dressed as a vampire. I don't know why this sticks out to me with today's smell in the air but it does. I can see his smiling face very clearly along with the white made up face and dark circled eyes he must have done himself. I can't remember what candy my Mom and I gave him but I am determined to try and find that piece of memory in my mind today.
I find this particularly useful when trying to retrain our brains and remember things we have problems recalling. What do you associate crisp air with? A memory of when you were a child? A memory of last year? How does this play into our recovery? The power of smell is one of the ways we can heal ourselves. We don't need pills or therapy for this. All we need to do is retreat within ourselves and try to use the power of smell and recall to beam ourselves back. Like anything, this can be frustrating but at least if we can't remember, we can be comforted by a warm smell and remember next year this time that this is what we were doing.
Does today's smell unlock something for you?