Tuesday, October 17, 2017

To Take Or Not To Take

To take or not to take medicine when you have a cold; that is the question.
Since the stroke, I have tried to not take medicine for things unless I'm really really sick. I don't like putting anything in my body that can cause any side effect. I don't care if the side effect is nausea, dizziness, or sleepiness. I don't want it, don't want to risk it, don't want to have anything to do with it.
Of course, when you have a cold, that can go out the window, especially when it's a bad cold.

I remember a few months post stroke, I got the flu. Correction, I got the flu when I had tickets to see Prince and I ended up not being able to go because I had the damn flu. I MISSED PRINCE! I'm still not over that. Anywho, even though I was suffering something awful, I didn't want to take any medicine. I was so scared that something else would happen to me, something worse than the feeling I got knowing I had to miss Prince. Eventually I broke and took Tylenol and of course, nothing happened to me other than peaceful slumber and my fever breaking.

I have the same fear right now though. I have the fear that something really bad will happen. I mean, how can I not especially when there is a long list of what could  happen if you take this medication. I go through the pros and cons of what would happen if I took said pills and think about how bad I'm feeling. Is the risk worth it? Of course the answer for me is yes, Eljon. You've taking these pills before. You're fine...but wait, you took those other pills before too and you were fine. You were until you weren't. It's this banter that plays in my head every time I feel sick. The script is always the same and 6 times out of 10, I end up taking the pills. What do you think won today?

Be well.

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Best Advice

When you're having a horrible day,
When you want to give up,
Remember (ha),
That you survived a life threatening trauma
And you're here to tell the tale,
Even if your words fail you,
Remember (ha),
You're here to tell the tale
In your own language,
In your own time,
You are the hero
In your book of life,
Remember (ha),
You've molted
And shed
Into a new self
That will be,
Believe it or not,
Your best self,
Remember.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Writing It Down

I saw a coworker feverishly writing into a notebook the other day. She said that she has been writing down every movie she's ever seen with her own little critiques carefully labeled for years. Just a quirk she has that she has been doing over the years to keep her writing skills sharp and memory keen.

I started my own document last year, not of movies, but of memories. I know the day is going to come, as it will for all of us, when our memories will fade; the time on the beach when I picked pink shells, or the party where I lost my favorite scarf because I was a dancing butterfly. I'm not ready to accept this and neither should you. In order to combat my fear, and perhaps revisit my happy memories, I've started a document detailing whatever memory comes to mind I don't want to forget. I am so meticulous with it down to colors of things, smells, you name it, it's written down. They've become happy little short stories I cherish when I have days that aren't so bright. I mean, hello, look at this blog! Talk about writing your story down!

It's comforting knowing that your story is written down. It warms me to read through my memories, including this blog. Call it validation of I was here or simply, just a hug from your mind to let you know, hey, look at what you've done! Either way, I'm happy I am doing it.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Honesty

I recently decided that it might be time for me to write something on my stroke. I tried to do this a few years ago but what came out was not something I was proud of. It wasn't completely honest and didn't ring true to my experience even though I was the one writing it! I don't think I was ready to delve into it, 100% honestly until now.
When I spoke about my idea, I did it in a way I hadn't done in the past. There was no shyness. There was decisiveness. This would be based on me. I wouldn't be pulling a story out of thin air. That took a lot for me to say because even though it has been 7 years since my stroke, I still am embarrassed about it to an extent. I don't know why. There are parts of me that still think I could have prevented it and many what ifs that will never be answered. After I spoke my idea into existence, I was initially PUMPED but then after walking down the street and letting it settle, I definitely broke down. I ugly cried. I know that this wasn't because of anything bad but because I finally got the strength to be able to put forth an idea that was 100% honest and I hope to remain true to that in my journey of writing down my idea.
Above all I have to remember, I'm not only writing this for me. I'm writing it for those out there who like me, didn't know there were others who experienced what I did at a young age. I have to remember, in times of block and doubt, that I was put here to do many things, and one of those things is to write this. :)

Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Strokie Glove!

How COOL is this?? A man named Hoyoung Ban developed a "robotic hand" to help strokies regain control of their hands! This is amazing! It is operated through an app and uses games to help work the muscles in your hands and arms out and you can rent it for as little as $99 a month.
I am so thrilled of what this can mean for people who have lost control of their hands. Rehab is difficult on its own but now having a glove as an added source of strength training...well this will make physical therapy so much more supportive. I see you 2017! You can read all about this incredible invention here.