Whoa, I'm Human!

Expiration dates...
It's not very often that I think about my own mortality. I mean, it's easy to say yes I know I'm going to not be on this earth one day but to actually process that in a real way is not something I tend to let seep into my mind. Is that weird? Or is it weird that I'm talking about it?
There are moments when I will catch myself looking in the mirror at the differences in my face, the new lines, the creases, the new white hairs. To me, we miss these things if we don't stare at ourselves every once in awhile. It's like with my parents. I stare at them sometimes. Whether it's me not allowing myself to see that they are aging or just not paying attention, I've let myself stare and I see them and it's a little scary. Not that they look scary! Just the way that life is short and time passes by so quickly. I find it does so the older we get.
We don't get many second chances. You can't hit reset on certain things and maybe that is what I mean by expiration dates. I think I had a moment like that this weekend. I am not a teen anymore. I'm 4 away from 40 and THAT is something I haven't come to terms with yet! Where did the time go so fast?
Maybe I'm just letting my mind run. Maybe I'm thinking about this because I'm writing about a death TV channel. This isn't meant to be a depressing post, more like a reality check for me and maybe it will inspire you. Really think. We all have an expiration date. What have you been putting off or dreaming about that you have to confront?

Best Advice

When you're having a horrible day,
When you want to give up,
Remember (ha),
That you survived a life threatening trauma
And you're here to tell the tale,
Even if your words fail you,
Remember (ha),
You're here to tell the tale
In your own language,
In your own time,
You are the hero
In your book of life,
Remember (ha),
You've molted
And shed
Into a new self
That will be,
Believe it or not,
Your best self,
Remember.

Annual Neuro Visit

Ok, so I've been bad. Like bad in the sense that I haven't been going to see my Neurologist every year for my annual checkup...I know I know don't shoot me! First of all, I wasn't aware that I had to roll up there every year. I asked my Primary Care and she said I didn't although I did have a lingering feeling that hey, maybe I should go and say hi, get checked out because you can never be too safe, right? But then again, this is my fault, I should know better especially since I've been saying to you guys to get checked out no matter what....bad Eljon.

But I did finally go. I love going to my Neurologist's office. She's amazing. I didn't expect to hear anything out of the ordinary during my visit but did ask about the lingering little side effects in my right arm and she did tell me that if my strength didn't return by now that it wouldn't return so...kind of sad small bummer. This means I'm not going to be able to have lucrative careers in such fields as...sports. I always wanted to be a baseball player and since I throw and bat righty, I can kiss that goodbye. Professional cheerleader will also be tossed out the window with this. No one wants a cheerleader who lifts one pom pom up faster than the other. DAMNIT!! I guess surgeon is out and so is anything else revolving speed and precision with my right hand.

I know I'm joking right now but it was a bit sad hearing that from her. I always thought that by some little miracle, my right side would come back 100% but hearing the words from her kind of stung. Again, it's ok, I know there are worse things that I could have been left with and I am so blessed and grateful to only have a slight lingering weakness in my right side...still, hibachi chef still would have been on the top of my list of things to aspire to be.

Docket 32357 At The Urbanworld Film Festival

Director Randy Wilkins, Me, Actress Ashley Denise Robinson,
Actor Kiel Perry, Actress Tara Gadomski

This weekend, the film I wrote, Docket 32357, made its NY premiere at the Urbanworld Film Festival. While I had already seen it on the big screen in Hollywood, CA at the Hollyshorts Film Festival, seeing it this time with my parents was a totally different feeling. My Father flew up from the Caribbean for it and hadn't so much as known what it was about when he stepped into the Theater. My Mom had seen it before but never on the big screen. Some of my friends were there and all these people made the experience very nerve wracking! I think I was more nervous for them to see it. Silly, I know but there is something inherently terrifying about showing people your work. It makes you feel so vulnerable. I even sat away from most everyone during the shorts block because of my shyness.

After the whole shorts block was done, cast and crew were invited up on stage for a Q & A session. We had done this in LA as well but this time, Randy encouraged me to mention why I wrote the story and to talk about the stroke if asked where the story came from. In LA, I was asked the same question and omitted the stroke part of it, I don't know why...So this time, someone asked the same question and I spoke about how the story came about and the stroke. While I was speaking these words, I wasn't completely aware of myself. I don't remember everything I said and I was even looking at the ground. Randy said as I spoke, some jaws dropped which is to be expected. Again, we're trying to bring awareness that even us young folk suffer from strokes. He also told me I spoke super fast! Haha, I'm pretty sure I just wanted to get it out.

I'm glad I mentioned it though. I should be proud of what I accomplished. I was able to write a compelling story in recovery and that says a lot. I'm pretty amped to go to more screenings at other festivals so I can talk about the experience again. Now I'm ready and I won't speak fast. I can do this! I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I lived to tell the tale!

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of the film! Hopefully it will be coming to a screen near you in the near future.

You can hear me speak to the audience about the film here

Pregnancy After Stroke

Today, I read an article about a woman who suffered over 3 miscarriages. The article was about how sometimes nature just isn't being nature and that there could be serious medical reasons why she was losing so many babies.

One of the reasons was clotting. This freaked me out because I'd like to think that one day I'll have a couple of young scrappers in my life and now that seems a little uncertain. Stroke victims have a risk when they carry. When I was reading this, I started to remember all the bad feelings, hurts and pains I had while recovering and the symptoms I had leading up to the stroke. I DO NOT want to have another one and that seems to be a very real risk if/when I get pregnant.

I know you can get your blood tested for levels of antithrombin and things like that but do I really want to risk that? I already have slightly below levels for certain proteins....what if this ends up hurting me? Having a family is a ways off for me but it's still something I should think about. Hmm...