Monday, September 28, 2020

Wow...It's Been Almost A Decade

 I don't post much at all but that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking of all of you. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about my stroke, about how it affects me even today, about the closure I still want for what happened almost 10 years ago next month. I'm still here and I'm so happy I am.

Today, the first in a group of women I have the privilege of knowing celebrated her 10 year strokiversary. I am so happy that she hit this milestone. It has been a joy to see her living her life from posts. She has a beautiful family and is living life to the fullest. She and the other women I know serve as such wonderful reminders that life is amazing. Life goes on. We molt, shedding our old skin, for a new normal. 

I'm sure I will have more to say next month when I celebrate my 10 year but for now, I will just say that it has made my 2020 to be able to see my strokies flourish despite this trying year.  

Be well.

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

I'm Just Tired

I was a bit stressed out these past few weeks. No reason in particular, just life and all that comes with it. Because of this, I've started to notice little red flags, I was misspelling things, I was using the wrong words...and I brushed those things off as just having a bad day but I can't and shouldn't do that.
This is a lesson, not only for me but a reminder for all of us. If you don't feel well, pause, look at your symptoms, is it just stress? Could it be something bigger?
I've been keeping track of my health since then and thankfully, it seems my bad stretch has ended. My boyfriend told me I should go to the doctor and I know I should have, just to be on the safe side, but...I was scared. I don't usually get scared but yeah, I was scared and I let that get the best of me and I didn't go. Again, thankfully I am ok but I shouldn't be fearful, not when I know what fear and denial can do. Even typing that out, "I was scared", is not something I am proud of admitting. We shouldn't let fear and denial keep us from preventing something from happening to us. Health is precious and as I get older, I'm holding that closer and closer to my heart.
So today, I wish you awareness, I wish you energy to get you more in tune with your body. I wish you good health.
How are you doing? 

Tuesday, March 5, 2019


Luke Perry was one of my first crushes. My friend Ty and I would always talk about the most recent episode of 90210 when we would line up in the yard before school started. Conversations always turned to Dylan and Brandon. Hard to believe that he has passed at such a young age. Even harder to believe that it was from "a massive stroke". His death has once again started the conversation of how could this have been prevented and how a growing number of younger people are having strokes.  While I am grateful for an increased sense of awareness for the community, I am still left with the questions that will probably plague Luke's family for a long time. Could this have been prevented? Did they administer medicine in time? What else could have been done?
Life is fragile. To me, it seems to be more fragile as I get older. I'm starting to lose friends, some younger than me. They're leaving this world from heart attacks and blood clots...
How could this have been prevented?
A question I know we all ask ourselves after we get out the wails and the whys.
How could this have been prevented?
I should have known. We should have seen the signs.
But we can't know all the signs for everything...
And maybe, that's the hardest pill to swallow.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Woman's Best Friend

What a difficult December.
My 13 year old dog, Fiona, got really sick. Like really, oh no this might be it, sick.
I got Fiona 12 years ago from the ASPCA. I went in looking for my first dog, confident that I was ready to take on the responsibility of a pet. Little did I know that this pet would also be my best friend. The person who interviewed me said they had a small dog available but weren't showing her to a lot of people. She had been through a lot and needed to be paired with someone special. She walked me over to a room and told me to look through the window. There I saw a little skin and bones red min pin chihuahua mix pup curled up on a chair with a bright pink cast on her left hind leg. As soon as Fiona caught a glimpse of us, she started barking so we scurried away. I was told another person was interested in her and that my application would be looked at and I would hear from her. A week later, I got the call that she was mine. I went back to the ASPCA and where the woman placed Fiona in my arms and said to have a happy life. What, no advice? No orientation? Nope, just here. Take your malnourished, shaking dog with the broken leg and go be happy.
When I left there, I wanted to cry. Here was this broken dog who was terrified and me who was terrified, taking a cab to her forever home. I tried to get her to kiss me. Nothing. I tried to get her to look at me. Nothing but as soon as she stepped foot inside, this dog who wouldn't even make eye contact with me, did zoomies around the apartment and couldn't stop smiling. She finally looked at me and gave me a kiss. I saved her and she knew that and she thanked me.
When I had my stroke, Fiona would not leave my side. She comforted me, cuddled with me, slept with me. If someone came over to me when I was resting, she growled. She was my ever protective nurse. And now, my ever protective nurse, my friend, my first pet, was sick. The vet thinks she too, had a stroke. It's so hard to watch your pet in pain. They can't tell you how they are feeling or what hurts. You don't know exactly how to make them feel better other than to just hold them, pet them, call them good dogs and love them up as best you can. That's not good enough for me, not for my Fiona. It had been so hard to watch her in pain and not know what to do. It took 2 weeks for her medicine to help her enough so that she can walk again and eat on her own. I am impatient. I know. My boyfriend had to remind me that I had to give her time. He had to remind me how I was impatient to heal but I couldn't be that way for her. I could have the hope he did; that recovery could be slow but steady so today I am hopeful that she is going to continue to improve. She's an old girl I know, and one day, she will pass, but that day won't be today.
She's my nurse and my friend and I won't give up on her just like she didn't give up on me.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Time Oh Time!

We can't stop time. The most we can do is try and savor it as much as we can. When I'm at work, I catch myself sometimes saying "This day is going by so slowly!" and I stop myself. It's ok if it feels as though time is slowing down, that time is standing still. For someone in the world who isn't in the best health, time slowing down may be what they wished for. I'm really trying to implement this in my day to day.
It's hard to believe that 2017 is almost over. How did November sneak up on me so quickly? I feel like I ask myself this every year. Where did the time go? Nowhere but perhaps it's time to look at time differently. While we always celebrate the new year goodbye to the old and hello to the new, it's also always the right time to celebrate the now. As the winds turn stronger and the temperatures drop, my right side is ever there to remind me that winter is creeping in so I am savoring today and these 70 degree unseasonable temperatures and hoping that I can hold each moment a little tighter because it will all be over in the blink of an eye.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Blessed and Grateful

Blessed and grateful and giving pause and thinking about everything and hoping I climb higher and higher and still ever so thankful for the stroke that landed me in the ICU 7 years ago.

Be well.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Whoa, I'm Human!

Expiration dates...
It's not very often that I think about my own mortality. I mean, it's easy to say yes I know I'm going to not be on this earth one day but to actually process that in a real way is not something I tend to let seep into my mind. Is that weird? Or is it weird that I'm talking about it?
There are moments when I will catch myself looking in the mirror at the differences in my face, the new lines, the creases, the new white hairs. To me, we miss these things if we don't stare at ourselves every once in awhile. It's like with my parents. I stare at them sometimes. Whether it's me not allowing myself to see that they are aging or just not paying attention, I've let myself stare and I see them and it's a little scary. Not that they look scary! Just the way that life is short and time passes by so quickly. I find it does so the older we get.
We don't get many second chances. You can't hit reset on certain things and maybe that is what I mean by expiration dates. I think I had a moment like that this weekend. I am not a teen anymore. I'm 4 away from 40 and THAT is something I haven't come to terms with yet! Where did the time go so fast?
Maybe I'm just letting my mind run. Maybe I'm thinking about this because I'm writing about a death TV channel. This isn't meant to be a depressing post, more like a reality check for me and maybe it will inspire you. Really think. We all have an expiration date. What have you been putting off or dreaming about that you have to confront?