I'm Just Tired

I was a bit stressed out these past few weeks. No reason in particular, just life and all that comes with it. Because of this, I've started to notice little red flags, I was misspelling things, I was using the wrong words...and I brushed those things off as just having a bad day but I can't and shouldn't do that.
This is a lesson, not only for me but a reminder for all of us. If you don't feel well, pause, look at your symptoms, is it just stress? Could it be something bigger?
I've been keeping track of my health since then and thankfully, it seems my bad stretch has ended. My boyfriend told me I should go to the doctor and I know I should have, just to be on the safe side, but...I was scared. I don't usually get scared but yeah, I was scared and I let that get the best of me and I didn't go. Again, thankfully I am ok but I shouldn't be fearful, not when I know what fear and denial can do. Even typing that out, "I was scared", is not something I am proud of admitting. We shouldn't let fear and denial keep us from preventing something from happening to us. Health is precious and as I get older, I'm holding that closer and closer to my heart.
So today, I wish you awareness, I wish you energy to get you more in tune with your body. I wish you good health.
How are you doing? 

Time Oh Time!

We can't stop time. The most we can do is try and savor it as much as we can. When I'm at work, I catch myself sometimes saying "This day is going by so slowly!" and I stop myself. It's ok if it feels as though time is slowing down, that time is standing still. For someone in the world who isn't in the best health, time slowing down may be what they wished for. I'm really trying to implement this in my day to day.
It's hard to believe that 2017 is almost over. How did November sneak up on me so quickly? I feel like I ask myself this every year. Where did the time go? Nowhere but perhaps it's time to look at time differently. While we always celebrate the new year goodbye to the old and hello to the new, it's also always the right time to celebrate the now. As the winds turn stronger and the temperatures drop, my right side is ever there to remind me that winter is creeping in so I am savoring today and these 70 degree unseasonable temperatures and hoping that I can hold each moment a little tighter because it will all be over in the blink of an eye.

Best Advice

When you're having a horrible day,
When you want to give up,
Remember (ha),
That you survived a life threatening trauma
And you're here to tell the tale,
Even if your words fail you,
Remember (ha),
You're here to tell the tale
In your own language,
In your own time,
You are the hero
In your book of life,
Remember (ha),
You've molted
And shed
Into a new self
That will be,
Believe it or not,
Your best self,
Remember.

The Strokie Glove!

How COOL is this?? A man named Hoyoung Ban developed a "robotic hand" to help strokies regain control of their hands! This is amazing! It is operated through an app and uses games to help work the muscles in your hands and arms out and you can rent it for as little as $99 a month.
I am so thrilled of what this can mean for people who have lost control of their hands. Rehab is difficult on its own but now having a glove as an added source of strength training...well this will make physical therapy so much more supportive. I see you 2017! You can read all about this incredible invention here.

Happy New Year!

By now, your hangover is gone, you're starting to get reacquainted with your liver and trying to stay good with those resolutions you made a few days ago. For me, my resolutions remain the same and they will until they come to fruition. Every year, I set large goals. I might complete some of them, to complete all of them would be impossible BUT I do get closer to them becoming a reality.

This year, let's not put unnecessary stress on ourselves. We all know what stress leads to, right? Can we all make a pact to be good to ourselves? I am guilty of not doing this. I suck. Truly. I overbook myself. I try to SQUEEEEEZE every last drop out of every single day and write and work like it's my last day on this earth and I can't do that this year. Towards the end of 2014, I found myself slipping into old habits like I did pre-stroke and if there's one thing that experience taught me it's to listen to your body, so I'm listening. I'm taking me time.

I hope you have an amazing year filled with good health and the know to listen to your body when it speaks to you. We all have that gift of hearing our body speak to us but the voice can sometimes be low and get lost in our lives. Shhh, listen this year.

Holiday Memories And Keeping Those You Love Close

Around this time of year, families get together to embrace one another and celebrate the Holidays. For one or two days, everyone is in the same room, everyone is a unit. After every bit of food has been consumed and folks are getting ready to say goodbye, people have the same thought, "We should do this more often" or "I'll see you soon" and then those good intentions melt away and we drift to the hustle and bustle that is working and trying to stay afloat.

My Godfather passed away in April. I only have one memory of how he looked. We met when I was 21 years old, newly graduated, in a Starbucks in Lincoln Center. He was in from Vermont where he lived with his partner. He was wearing a three piece grey suit and greeted me with a smile I can still see if I close my eyes. My Godfather was an amazing man-a professor beloved by hundreds of friends (literally), a writer, and an accomplished concert violinist who spoke 6 languages! I heard much of this from hearing stories my Father told me of how he met him and how close the families were. When I was growing up, I always wondered why he didn't reach out to me, why I hadn't seen him or spoken to him on the phone but I didn't linger on that thought, I had stories to keep his memory alive. When I turned 21, my Godfather sent me a typed letter apologizing for his absence and suggested we meet in person for a long overdue hug. Since then, we sent each other cards, mine always handwritten, his always typed and signed with a fountain pen. I sent pictures and drawings over the years and provided him with news about my Dad and Grandmother. Whenever my Dad was in NY, he would call my Godfather's NY apartment in the hopes that Godfather might be visiting and they could catch up. Then, he started to email me. Oh technology!

One day before Superstorm Sandy,  my Grandmother passed. I sent him an email. Rather than respond via that, he sent his last typed letter signed with that same fountain pen. Because of the weather, I missed the funeral in Grenada. Godfather's letter was one of the only things that comforted my Father and I during that sad time. He wrote about her so beautifully citing memories that seemed so crisp they happened yesterday.  This summer, I sent him an email but he didn't respond. In my head, I imagined that he was on a European tour with his partner Jorge, or on an adventure somewhere he would tell me about in his response but, no email came. I started to think about the inevitable, his passing, but I couldn't bring myself to google his name right away. The thought of losing this man who I basically communicated with through letter and email most of my adult life scared and saddened me.

I found out Godfather passed away in April of this year. I was so angry with myself. Why didn't I send an email earlier? Why didn't I reach out? More importantly, why wasn't I told or able to go to the funeral to say goodbye? It seemed that even in death, I wasn't even given the chance to see him in person one more time. I gave my Dad the news and he was as broken up as I was. Luckily, my Godfather's partner's email address was on my his obituary. I emailed Jorge my condolences. Here was a man who I had only heard about on paper but seemed so alive through my Godfather's descriptions of him, I felt like I knew him. He immediately sent me a response apologizing for the oversight of the funeral. My Godfather passed from leukemia and it took him very fast.

After our exchange, I hoped to have some closure but I felt even more sad. Whenever someone passes, you always ask yourself the question "What if?" and go back to the "We should do this more often. I'll see you soon!" statement you made a few months prior. Days later, I received another email. Jorge had found a folder with all the letters and exchanges I had with my Godfather over the years, over 13 years of correspondence! He told me how proud he was of me and how he loved me.  While I would have rather heard this when he was alive, this has given me exactly what I needed-to know that he saw me, that we did know each other, even though from afar. Today, he is on my mind. The first day of Hannukah marks the day I would have sent him a handwritten Holiday card. Perhaps I will send him an email. Even though I know I won't get one back, it doesn't feel right to break from tradition.

I don't want this to sound like a hold your loved ones close and be thankful post and maybe it doesn't but hold your loved ones close and be thankful. You never know when the time will come when you can't say what you always wanted to but thought, it's ok...next time.