Granny

My Granny passed away last Sunday. She was a wonderful woman. I used to spend summers in the Caribbean with my Grandparents and cousins every year from when I crawled straight through to when I graduated from High School. Some of the best memories of my life are of those summers with my family. Those experiences shaped me into the person I am today. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

Something I found myself doing early on in life was replaying memories of my childhood in my head at least once a week. In that way, I thought they would always be fresh in my mind and my hippocampus would keep them there longer than it could and not kick those memories out to make room for new ones. It would not only make me laugh but keep me warm on those days when I felt blue. I would think of those wonderfully good times swimming in the waters of Grenada with my cousins and actually re-taste the meals cooked for us in my mouth. Even smells would come back. I could see myself mapping out my Granny and Papa's house in my mind knowing everything from the colors of the tiles to the exact location of bushes and coconut trees on the property.

After my stroke, one of the things I was afraid of was losing those memories I worked so hard to preserve. I found myself panicking in the hospital trying to replay every single memory from those summers to make sure everything remained intact. While I'm sure I have lost some memories, I am so grateful for having one or two of my family, of my Granny back when life seemed simpler. I remember her voice and the way she used to sing to us. I can still hear my Papa's voice and smell the smoke from his pipe. It's on days like today, when I miss her so much, I can smile at knowing I can remember that.

I may not remember certain things but in the end, I guess sometimes it doesn't matter as long as I have these little moments where I can be thankful for having the memories I do to comfort me when it matters most. My flight was canceled and I couldn't make her funeral due to inclement weather thanks to the Nor'easter and Sandy so my memories have to do. They become my pictures, my windows to the soul especially tonight when I am missing Granny so much.

Thank you brain. Keep up the good work.

R.I.P. Granny