Granny

My Granny passed away last Sunday. She was a wonderful woman. I used to spend summers in the Caribbean with my Grandparents and cousins every year from when I crawled straight through to when I graduated from High School. Some of the best memories of my life are of those summers with my family. Those experiences shaped me into the person I am today. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

Something I found myself doing early on in life was replaying memories of my childhood in my head at least once a week. In that way, I thought they would always be fresh in my mind and my hippocampus would keep them there longer than it could and not kick those memories out to make room for new ones. It would not only make me laugh but keep me warm on those days when I felt blue. I would think of those wonderfully good times swimming in the waters of Grenada with my cousins and actually re-taste the meals cooked for us in my mouth. Even smells would come back. I could see myself mapping out my Granny and Papa's house in my mind knowing everything from the colors of the tiles to the exact location of bushes and coconut trees on the property.

After my stroke, one of the things I was afraid of was losing those memories I worked so hard to preserve. I found myself panicking in the hospital trying to replay every single memory from those summers to make sure everything remained intact. While I'm sure I have lost some memories, I am so grateful for having one or two of my family, of my Granny back when life seemed simpler. I remember her voice and the way she used to sing to us. I can still hear my Papa's voice and smell the smoke from his pipe. It's on days like today, when I miss her so much, I can smile at knowing I can remember that.

I may not remember certain things but in the end, I guess sometimes it doesn't matter as long as I have these little moments where I can be thankful for having the memories I do to comfort me when it matters most. My flight was canceled and I couldn't make her funeral due to inclement weather thanks to the Nor'easter and Sandy so my memories have to do. They become my pictures, my windows to the soul especially tonight when I am missing Granny so much.

Thank you brain. Keep up the good work.

R.I.P. Granny

I Am

I am feeling tired,
And can't remember
Because my brain shorts out,
Sometimes,
Think, think, think,
To no avail,
I can't remember
That person's name,
Sometimes,
Please don't get mad,
I forget,
Sometimes,
And mean no harm,
It's not that you were easy to forget,
It's that you were easy to remember
At the time but
Sometimes,
I can't recall anything,
Don't think me dumb,
I just can't put my finger on it,
Sometimes,
Even though I try
Very very hard,
That grey cloud covers the answer,
Sometimes,
But it's still me,
Just sometimes forgetful,
Still me,
Still here,
Still me.

Surviving Sandy

The Northeast went through the worst Superstorm in its history last week. Hurricane Sandy ripped through states leaving people without power, heat or hot water. While I was blessed to have a roof over my head, I lost all three of those for 5 days. There's only so much one can do by candlelight and by Day 2/3, I went a little stir crazy.

The darkness inside my apt. with candles lit.

People get sick, we all know this and we all have home remedies on how to get over things like colds, or coughs. Shots of rum and honey and lemon, a garlic necklace, etc. But what do you do when you're in a real medical emergency and have no way of getting through to anyone?
During Sandy, I couldn't help but think about how people in medical emergencies were faring. The pregnant Mothers, heart attacks and strokies out there who couldn't get in touch with the police or a hospital must have been terrified. What did they do? How did they get through it all being at home without access to medical professionals?

I cannot stress enough how important it is to have a first aid kit at home complete with all the fixins including ASPIRIN. I have gone on several rants regarding the power of aspirin. It saves lives. Please please keep a bottle of Bayer in the house in your first aid kit for times like these. You never know when you'll be in a situation like this. I certainly didn't expect the storm to be that bad and for it to cause as much destruction as it did. Be prepared!

Prepare for the unexpected!

I'm Still Here

Sometimes, I get very discouraged with the path I am on. The world of Theater and Entertainment is a tough world but even tougher I think on someone who is of color and/or a woman. Today was one of those days where I was feeling a bit low on myself. In searching for a suitable piece of large drawing paper for a score I have to bring to class tomorrow, I unzipped my art portfolio which was covered in dust from me not opening it in many many years. As I was filtering through everything, a note fell to the floor. I picked it up, opened it, and cried for about 10 minutes.

It was a note from my Grandmother, from 2003 given to me right after college Graduation. She says she's proud of me and goes into how much she loves me. It was just what I needed to hear. Like an angel from beyond a grave, she sent me this message to remind me to keep going.

Thank you stroke for causing me to forget receiving this 9 years ago and allowing me to see it anew. What a wonderful surprise.

What a beautiful small victory.

It's My Strokiversary Month!

It's my Strokiversary Month.
It's my Strokiversary Month.
It's MY Strokiversary Month!!
It's my Stroke Month!!!!
It's my re-birthday and I'm so excited.

Who would have ever thought that having a stroke would incite such happiness?

Docket 32357 In The International Film Festival Of Nashville...ONLINE!

Many people have been interested in seeing the short film I wrote, Docket 32357 but haven't had access to the festivals we've gotten into...until now! :)

Docket 32357 was just accepted into The International Film Festival of Nashville. This year, all the films will be showcased online for a certain time and day instead of being in a physical venue. This is a wonderful opportunity for us and I can't wait for you to see it. As soon as I get information on it, I will post.

Yay!

Young Stroke Survivors Group In NYC

This week I was at NYU Hospital with my Mother for an appointment. We went to a separate section of the hospital I hadn't been to before. The place is a virtual maze! As we were waiting for the elevator, I looked at the notice board and saw that there was a posting for a Young Stroke Survivors Group. Below is the information for anyone who is in the NY area and can go. This is a great community and the first group for young strokies I've seen in the city.

I'm super excited about this! Hopefully I will be able to attend this month's group.

YOUNG STROKE SURVIVORS GROUP
WHEN: 2nd Tuesday of every month
TIME: 5:30pm-6:30pm
WHERE: Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine
400 East 34th Street Room RR 111-112
NY, NY 10036

RSVP to:
Pamela Singer Senior Social Worker
pamela.singer@nymc.org
Dina Pagnotta
geraldine.pagnotta@nymc.org