A Beautiful Gift...

Yesterday, I went to pick out some new frames downtown. I was trying on pair after pair squinting at the mirror since I am blind as a bat without my own when an old man walked in the store. He asked if someone could help him with his prescription. As soon as he spoke, my ears perked up. He sounded EXACTLY like my grandfather who passed away in 2001. I didn't turn around. I just listened to his voice and looked in the mirror with a pair of frames I had tried on carefully trying to make out his silhouette as best I could. He even looked like my grandfather. I kept hoping that he would keep talking and then just as quickly as he appeared, he left the store leaving a big smile on my face and a warm feeling in my chest. After 13 years, I was able to see and hear my grandfather again!

I know this isn't a stroke post but it's something that truly made my heart smile. Just a reminder that sometimes the greatest gifts can come from the unknown...

I Think I'm Ready To Share...

For those of you who don't know, I am a Playwright. I just received my MFA this past May and couldn't be happier. I started this journey post stroke never expecting that I would be part of an Inaugural Playwriting class of TWO. Sometimes I still find myself in sheer shock of how much I've learned in the past two years. I am truly grateful for getting this far and wouldn't change anything about it. I gladly take everything, the good and bad experiences, the whole package.

I've tinkered with the idea of writing a stroke play but haven't really been struck by inspiration until today. I'm pretty nervous but I'm going to face this challenge head on. I can do this. In September, I'll be applying for the EST/Sloan Project to get a grant to write this. Cross your fingers and toes for me!
This has the potential to reach a brand new audience of people and to teach others about young people and stroke.

I'm pretty excited. :)

A Quote That Inspired Me Today

For all you strokies who are facing your own battles today. Thank you for this Shana!

Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 

"I will try again tomorrow."

-Mary Anne Radmacher

Guest Stroke Blogger: Meet Lauren

Meet Lauren who suffered a stroke at the age of 23.  Lauren had an ischemic stroke due to 3 little holes in her heart she was born with, something that wouldn't have been found if she hadn't had her stroke. Isn't it scary how you can go through your whole life not knowing that there is an underlying condition hiding in your body? I'm so happy that Lauren is doing well. In reading her post, I couldn't help but feel good. Despite all she's been through, Lauren's smile shines brightly through her post. 

She is so strong and refuses to fall into the "why me?" slump. I wish her nothing but the best on her road to recovery. You can read all about Lauren's brave story HERE 

I love this quote from her post. 

"I need to have the discipline to embrace what has happened to me and get past it."-Lauren

You wear your badge of stroke honor proudly, Lauren! Welcome to the strokie club!

Deja Vu

*My Mom had surgery on Tuesday at NYU Hospital, the same hospital where I was admitted after my stroke. Once she was in recovery, the doctors and nurses said they were going to move her to a room so I rode up with them and her. I kept thinking about my stay at NYU when I was in the Stroke Unit and how this was such a nice hospital with courteous staff. When we were all on the elevator, I kept thinking, this all looks so familiar and then we got off on the floor where my Mom was going to be stationed. I looked up and saw a sign that said Stroke Unit and a chill went up my spine. Immediately, I asked the nurse why she was being stationed on this floor and he said that the other side of the floor was general, not the stroke unit. I didn't feel comfortable AT ALL. Here was a place I was hoping to never visit again and I was thrust into it without being prepared or given a warning. It made me so angry.
Thinking back on it, I still get uncomfortable...but why? I know I am healthy and I am not (knock on wood) going to end up back in the ICU but still, I could have done without being on that floor unexpectedly.
When my Mom realized where she was, she just smiled and nodded. Of course she had bigger things on her mind, you know, like recovering haha. She's fine btw. I stayed with her as long as she needed me but I would be lying if I didn't say that I couldn't wait to get out of there! I kept watching the clock counting down the minutes of time that seemed to be moving super slow. The door to her room was open and I had a clear view of a man walking the floor with a nurse. He must have just had a stroke and was trying to get his bearings. I watched him walk very slowly and carefully with the help of an aid. Seeing the small smile that came across his face as he started to move with more ease made my heart swell. Small victories!
The next day, I went back and I didn't have such a strong reaction to the floor. I let go of the fear I had about ending up back in that place and tried to look at that floor fondly remembering the small steps I took down that hallway almost four years ago.

*Forgive my grammar this post. I am battling a terrible cold that has rendered me quite foggy.

Is It Worth The Risk?

Cigarettes have a warning on them. This product may kill you by heart attack, stroke, etc. We know the risks but what about the risks of marijuana and strokes? Everyone always talks about ganja being natural and not having any consequence. You can even get a prescription for it however apparently a little around 2% of folks who have used medicinal marijuana have had a stroke from usage. WHAT? While 2% isn't a large number, it's still greater than 0. Are we as strokies willing to partake in such things that have even the slightest of a risk.

Let's talk about this more. I mean, we may enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage, the glass or two of wine here an there but do we ever think of the risk? Mm, there might be a 5% chance that I am going to have another stroke if I have this Pinot. I never thought of risk taking in this way especially with things I used to do before stroke. The things you enjoy doing can now fatally harm you. Sleep...yes, having too little sleep can kill you if you're a strokie. Seriously. I laugh at this one all the time but it's true. Our brains need time to re-charge and rest. This is something I have learned to deal with the hard way being in Grad School. I haven't been getting much rest lately. Now I know that with anyone who doesn't get any sleep that the prognosis isn't good. We're grumpy, we hate everything. Imagine that being a strokie. Right now, it's 11:36pm, why am I not in bed? Why am I trying to hurt myself or put myself in danger (especially since I have crappy healthcare-thanks Affordable Care Act $651.21 a month) if I don't have to? Is the risk worth it? Do I want to end up back in the hospital because of a paper or play? No, Eljon. It will be there tomorrow. Just count Lovenox shots and go to sleep. This plays into the whole, take your time and breathe mantra. Easier said than done I know.

Have you encountered situations post stroke where you ask yourselves, "Is this worth the risk?" How did you deal with it? We all have our ways of dealing with these decisions. It's like having a little angel and a little devil on our shoulders....more like an Aspirin and a Warfarin tablet.  What do you choose? Is it ok to slip and risk once in awhile? I would love to know.

I'm going to sleep :) Be Well!

Your Eyes and the Cold and Stroke and BRRRRR

Anyone else have issues with their eyes post stroke?
Right after my stroke, I could have sworn my eyes changed. My glasses didn't seem to do their duty as well as they used to. I told my doc and she said that this will most likely get better as recovery went on and it has but in the winter...and I had forgotten about this...my vision sometimes goes back to that weird limbo it was in before.
Today I had a moment where I forgot that that used to happen and thought I was going a bit crazy but then remembered that old man winter is a foul person for another reason.

Any of my other strokies ever experience this?