Saturday, January 1, 2011

Not Working

Not hard for me.

Again I had stated that not doing anything period is like hell but this, this was something I was not prepared for.  I always said wow it would be great to have like a month off because I work so hard and I'm so overwhelmed and I so got my wish but under different circumstances obviously.  It's been tough. I have days where I don't feel like I am a part of society.  I sit here, so tired that I can only watch tv and throw a ball to my dog.  I can't even speak.  It's exhausting to speak.  That's why this blog is so great.  It allows me to have another outlet to get everything out when I can't talk or when I just don't want to talk. Sometimes, you need to wallow, and that's fine as long as you don't pity yourself for too long.  Mourn your losses and keep it moving.  Mourn for like 5 minutes and nothing more a day.  Make yourself get out of that funk.  We've only been given things we can handle, right?

A couple of days into my medical leave, I decided that I really needed to start writing again....but I was scared.  The stroke had struck the part of my brain where the creative juices flow.  If I couldn't write...well, I can't really say what I would do but I know that 5 minutes a day of mourning wouldn't be enough...

I had several unfinished plays and a big unfinished screenplay. My writing partner wasn't pushing me to finish of course but he knows me and my big hard head and that I needed at least this one thing to feel like a functioning member of society.  When I was in the hospital, I even spoke to him on the phone about this being great material for the Alzheimer's script we're working on.  The big 'ol creative brain is always working!

So we talked, and we put up index cards of scenes, and we wrote...and I finished my first draft of my first screenplay.  Actually now it's on its 3rd draft!  The feeling of finishing something felt amazing!  I may not be able to do pivot tables or fancy excel spreadsheets right now but I wrote 106 pages of comedic fantasticness (if I do say so myself).

The picture above reminds me that it is possible.  I can get back to my old self.  It will just take time like everything else.  For those of you suffering from the effects of a stroke, remember, if you can do just one small thing that you used to do before the stroke, you're blessed.  Remember, small victories.

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